Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML
Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it’s my own fault. FML
Today, I had to make up a story about my “friends” at school so my mom doesn’t keep telling I’m a loser. FML
Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 0.50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend of 4 years to marry me. He responded by saying, “I’m seeing another woman. Can you wait?” FML